Just fyi.. this isn’t a post a bout swimming. I’m not a keen swimmer in the slightest, but this is a metaphorical swimming. To explain the journey of the past 6 years.
Last week was a momentous moment for me(and hubby). It marked the turning point for us. A time where we have shed the previous dark days and moved , finally, in to the light. Which all sounds quite dramatic i admit, but let me explain a little further and maybe you can appreciate where we are coming from.
And to do that I need to take you back 6+ years. If you’ve been here a while, you may even know about some of this, so i’ll keep it brief and we can move on.
June 2006 Husband(who was just my boyfriend at the time) and I started a business together. For the next 7 years we poured our hearts and souls in to it, blood, sweat and tears were indeed shed and we actually nearly broke trying to build it up. Stabbed in the back multiple times (business is brutal folks!), and working through one of the uk’s worst recessions was tricky to navigate to say the least. Then in 2012 our business sadly got hit, and then again and then a final time. 3 of our customers went in to administration leaving outstanding debts with us of hundreds of thousands.. we were done for.
We rode it out on savings for as long as we could, we tried to juggle and keep going , but there was no magic answer and admitting we were defeated we then went in to administration in February 2013.
Through this we lost everything. And i mean EVERYTHING.
Our house, our cars, bank accounts, savings, yup everything.
We had personally guaranteed some things within our business as we felt confident we could work through anything, sadly we didn’t foresee the 3 companies going bust, so therefore when the company went through it meant the banks came a knocking.
So we had to personally become bankrupt.
I’ve never been so ashamed, upset, devastated about anything in my whole life.
We both felt like failures. And let me tell you that is a hard feeling to shake.
Bankruptcy is a bit of a taboo subject, a taboo that implied we were bad payers or terrible with money, that we lived a high life we couldn’t afford when in actual fact it wasn’t our fault (well, we shouldn’t have traded with those companies who went through, but hindsight is a wonderful thing isn’t it)
6 years bankruptcy stays with you. 6 years of limbo, not able to get credit or fully move on from what was a devastating time.
Now, don’t get me wrong, in many ways we have had a nice 6 years..we’ve worked hard at our marriage and our work, found jobs, rent a house and kept going…even when it felt like we would never rid this weight around our necks.
But we have finally moved on.
6 years has come. We are free and it feels fantastic.
Husband is working towards a partnership and i’ve got myself a job that i can work hard at too!
We can now move on, make plans of a future we can build and have aspirations to move to a house we would want to live in.
And for me? Well, 6 years of driving crappy clapped out cars is over (you see no body will give you finance when you’re bankrupt), last week, i found a car, got finance cleared, put my hard earned deposit down and got myself a beauty of a car.
And it feels wonderful.
I guess what the loss has done is made me appreciate everything. It made me persevere even in the darkest moments when i thought there was no point. It made me work harder and has definitely made me stronger.
So the car is not just a car for me. It is symbolic of how far we’ve come and how if you just keep swimming, you can get where you want to be. It may take some time (6 years) but it is worth the effort.
I put out in to the universe that i wanted a Nissan car once again ( we had Qashqai’s when we had the business, so that was my mental benchmark to get back to ) I thought about it every time i drove past the Nissan dealer on my to and from work,I would think about it every time i had to get in to my clapped out broken old car (and oh my days i broke down a lot in 6 years, i’m practically on first name terms with the AA men,lol! ). I would see my dream car and visualise myself owning one. And now i have my Nissan Juke in bright red 🙂 and she’s an absolute dream to drive. I literally drive with a giant smile on my face, haha!
I guess this is just me over sharing as my way of reaching out and saying, if it seems tough, well it probably is. But even if you hit rock bottom like we did, you inevitably find the strength, even if you didn’t know you had it, to keep going. And when you get through the bad times, it will mean so much more to you because you can see how far you’ve come, how hard you’ve worked and how bad ass you are!
Keep on swimming folks!
The Constant Oversharer- Rachel xx