So I hope you all know that i am a huge believer in spreading the body positivity message. I feel like everyone deserves to feel gorgeous and happy in their own skin.
You are after all originals, exclusives, one of a kind.
But i wanted to share with you, as i always have, and will always endeavour to do, how i’m feeling right now, and honestly, it’s not very body positive.
It could be the change of season, the lack of routine through summer, it could be that my hair is in desperate need of some maintenance, it could me that my nails are broken and chipped and it could be to do with the extra 13lbs i’m carrying that i’ve proceeded to put on over the past 9 months (3 of those over summer alone).
When i look down i see tight uncomfy clothes, flesh on display that is like tangerine peel, bruises from being slightly off balance (i always seem to be extra clumsy when i put on weight.. bizarre i know), a grey complexion from lack of sleep, spots from eating unhealthy and hair that resembles a dry haystack.
Its me, i see my reflection and yet i feel so very disconnected by it, upset even by it.
What i do here, blogging about style, taking photos of myself day after day can be good, but it can also lead to dark places. Places where you pick endless holes in yourself, a place where you choose just one half decent shot out of hundreds, and even then its only the best out of a bad bunch, still not great. A place where you so easily feel not good enough.
Comparison sneaks in, and before you know it all joy is stolen, leaving you reeling at how you look.
Loosing balance, perspective and self worth all in a short space of time.
It made me realise #Bodypositivity is not a destination it’s a constant road, an endless journey that i am continually straddling between being happy and positive and feeling low and self loathing.
The thing is there is no answer, there is no right or wrong when it comes to feelings. I could tell you you are absolutely beautiful until i’m blue in the face, but if you don’t believe it yourself, feel it yourself, well it will fall on deaf ears (although, lets face it, its always pleasant to hear whether we truly believe it or not). I know this. I wish the good comments outweighed the negative thoughts that creep in, but negative thoughts seem to have more weight than positive don’t they.
So here’s what i’m going to do.
If i feel bad i’m going to let myself, but not dwell on it. Its all well and good visiting negative town, but remember to not set up camp there.
I’m going to try and get to the root of my rut. Why am i feeling so low?
What can i do to make myself feel better.
Remind myself that beauty is not skin deep, beauty is so much more than an image, a still, or even a reflection. I’m still me with my wrinkles and extra weight, i’m still a good hard working honest person. I’m still a loving caring wife and mum. How i look doesn’t take away from any of those things.
This week i’m going to be a little kinder to myself. I’m going to listen to my body and decide what it needs from me; whether that be healthier foods, more fresh air or a little more sleep.
I’m not going to be to hard on myself. I’m not going to compete with my inner voices on how i should and shouldn’t look.
I’m just going to breathe.