Wednesday, 30 August 2017

#BodyPositivity :An honest post about lacking it lately


So I hope you all know that i am a huge believer in spreading the body positivity message. I feel like everyone deserves to feel gorgeous and happy in their own skin.
You are after all originals, exclusives, one of a kind.
But i wanted to share with you, as i always have, and will always endeavour to do, how i'm feeling right now, and honestly, it's not very body positive.
It could be the change of season, the lack of routine through summer, it could be that my hair is in desperate need of some maintenance, it could me that my nails are broken and chipped and it could be to do with the extra 13lbs i'm carrying that i've proceeded to put on over the past 9 months (3 of those over summer alone).
When i look down i see tight uncomfy clothes, flesh on display that is like tangerine peel, bruises from being slightly off balance (i always seem to be extra clumsy when i put on weight.. bizarre i know), a grey complexion from lack of sleep, spots from eating unhealthy and hair that resembles a dry haystack.
Its me, i see my reflection and yet i feel so very disconnected by it, upset even by it.

What i do here, blogging about style, taking photos of myself day after day can be good, but it can also lead to dark places. Places where you pick endless holes in yourself, a place where you choose just one half decent shot out of hundreds, and even then its only the best out of a bad bunch, still not great. A place where you so easily feel not good enough.

Comparison sneaks in, and before you know it all joy is stolen, leaving you reeling at how you look.
Loosing balance, perspective and self worth all in a short space of time.

It made me realise #Bodypositivity is not a destination it's a constant road, an endless journey that i am continually straddling between being happy and positive and feeling low and self loathing.


The thing is there is no answer, there is no right or wrong when it comes to feelings. I could tell you you are absolutely beautiful until i'm blue in the face, but if you don't believe it yourself, feel it yourself, well it will fall on deaf ears (although, lets face it, its always pleasant to hear whether we truly believe it or not). I know this. I wish the good comments outweighed the negative thoughts that creep in, but negative thoughts seem to have more weight than positive don't they.

So here's what i'm going to do.

If i feel bad i'm going to let myself, but not dwell on it. Its all well and good visiting negative town, but remember to not set up camp there.
I'm going to try and get to the root of my rut. Why am i feeling so low?
What can i do to make myself feel better.
Remind myself that beauty is not skin deep, beauty is so much more than an image, a still, or even a reflection. I'm still me with my wrinkles and extra weight, i'm still a good hard working honest person. I'm still a loving caring wife and mum. How i look doesn't take away from any of those things.

This week i'm going to be a little kinder to myself. I'm going to listen to my body and decide what it needs from me; whether that be healthier foods, more fresh air or a little more sleep.
I'm not going to be to hard on myself. I'm not going to compete with my inner voices on how i should and shouldn't look.

I'm just going to breathe.



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6 comments

  1. Great post Rachel, I know exactly how you feel. If it helps even just a little, I think you've been looking more gorgeous than ever lately......
    Also, I always find a little exercise helps, both to lift my mood and to make me feel a bit better in my body. Not everyone enjoys exercise but if you do/can then it works for me. Take care, and hope you're feeling better very soon. xxx

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  2. All I see is someone beautiful: slim (not that equates to beauty but you are slim) and the sweetest, smartest girl. Call me this week and we'll chat. I know how this feels, I get so tough on myself, especially around time of the month where I bloat and hate myself. We are so hard on ourselves. Ask your husband to list all the amazing qualities you have and remind yourself of these, lots of love xx

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  3. Hi Rachel. There must be something in the air!!! That's just how I feel lately. The weight gain especially. I can't get in any of my jeans that fit me in Spring 😱. I know I'm going through the menopause so I'm sure that's alot to blame but I wasn't looking after myself neither. The kids, work, house etc, all came first. So I started changing things. I have reflexology which really helps, I listen to guided meditations to help me sleep, started to eat better, starred doing longer walks and today I did my first fitness class (combat) since before I had my twins 6 years ago. I'm hoping I carry on as I already feel more positive just by the fact that I'm taking control!
    I think you are beautiful and seem very genuine. Don't be so hard on yourself.
    Hoping you are feeling a bit brighter soon x

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  4. I hope you feel happier real soon! Your jeans is perfect!

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  5. Ugh, blogging and Instagram have a lot to answer for! On the one hand they're bloody brilliant for inspiration, support and engagement, but then on the other hand they can sometimes make us feel inadequate...at least that's what I battle with anyway. Especially at the moment while I go through seemingly endless rounds of fertility treatment that are leaving me with little control over how I feel mentally or physically. When I get to a point where posting or scrolling makes me miserable I stop and take a back seat for a bit. Time out from social media always helps me, that and exercise (which I bloody hate doing but know it does me good). Don't be too hard on yourself, I love seeing your squares in my IG feed and I follow you because your I love style and how it's constantly evolving. I also love your honesty and personality that shine through your posts. Just take some time out to do some of the things that make you feel great and hopefully you'll find yourself in a more positive place soon X

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  6. Gosh, it was like reading my own mind, reading this blog post. I watched the new Davina programme last night, the first one in the series and that was about body image and perfectionism. So many of us struggle with feeling 'good enough' . And the census of opinion on the show was that social media is to blame ( not entirely but in large part) I agreed and slept on it and then read your blog post And then realised that yes it makes us easier to judge ourselves against others when we log into insta etc but then there are people like yourself, open, honest, warts and all bloggers and posters who actually do make a huge POSITIVE difference. I love reading your blog and seeing your snaps on insta, I dont always comment ( do any of us ever have enough time to comment on everything we would like to lol) but I do always come away with a smile on my face and a sense that whilst there is a negative side to the internet and all the social media platforms, there is also a massive sector of people spreading inspiration, love, support and honesty. Keep doing what you do, the way you do and remember to be kind to you too xxx

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