There are a few things in life I am proud of, first would be my family of course, but second is my positivity towards others. I am a people-person and enjoy talking, helping and listening to others.
I strongly believe in raising others up, passing out compliments to anyone, and speaking kind words on a daily basis.
I am the person you will see in the supermarket that compliments you on your coat. I am the lady who tells you your hair looks great today, I am that person who notices and speaks it.
Why? Because I truly believe that imparting kind words to a fellow human is a great thing to do. It may life their mood, brighten their day or just make them smile. We've all been there, when someones said "oh i do like your dress" or "you look great today". How did it make you feel?
I know it always gives me the warm and fuzzies to think that person took a moment out of their day to say something nice.. to impart kind words to me.. That's pretty awesome wouldn't you agree?
Kind words cost nothing after all.
I guess because I am this type of person, it makes dealing with whats been going on harder for me, like i can't seem to comprehend why anyone would do that. Resulting in anger, tears and frustration.
The reason I'm writing this is to build awareness of these feelings and hopefully unite us ladies together. It's not a pity party for one (i've had that already don't worry, wine in hand singing "All by myseeellffff" at the top of my voice.. I'm over it and ready to positive party;)
To put a little context to this:
Lately, 'In Real Life' ( as opposed to the blogasphere) I've been experiencing some pretty bad scrutiny. Fellow women have been scrutinising my appearance, passing comment on my wearing of makeup, and multiple general 'digs'. This has been both to my face and behind my back.
Why would women do this to other women?
We all walk a tricky path juggling SO much the majority of the time, why on earth would someone think its ok to judge another on such personal things?
The judgements on me went like this:
"Why is she always dressed up"
"Who does she think she is?"
"Well she wears a face full of makeup all the time, She would never go out without it"
"Its false advertising if you ask me"
" Her boobs must be tiny!"
" Shes vain, and the job she does is just shallow"
Again Why? Why would anyone feel the need to berate another women and make them feel bad?
It honestly baffles me as i strongly believe we are all in this together.
Strong women raise other women up and believe in each other.
This is not helpful or productive critiquing.
This is just mean.
When i was a child my mum used to say "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"
But in a world of free speech i can understand people wanting to express themselves, but sit back and think.. Is saying anything derogatory actually productive?
After hitting a bit of a low, I gave in to the insults.
I sat in my saggy jogging bottoms, with no makeup and hair not done, all to make a point that no, i don't need make-up or nice clothes to go out. That underneath it all I am who I am.
Did i feel better? No, no i did not.
Why should i have to justify myself, my looks, my ways to anyone? Why do i have to be condemned for wearing makeup, just because i enjoy wearing it.
Why is wearing a nice day dress classed as "Dressed up" and the need to therefore put me down.
I have a teenage daughter. She see's my job here blogging, she sees my makeup and clothes and thinks that this is cool (sorta.. I mean I don't think she'd admit that out-loud.. 'cos y'know teenagers are too cool for that ;).
I always tell her how beautiful she is without the need for makeup. I always tell her material gain is nothing in the course of happiness. I constantly try to raise her to be loyal, caring and considerate.
She has suffered at the hand of cruel mean teenage girls, and each time she does I tell her she is better than that, and that as she grows older she will see how women are no longer out to attack you, but will be there for you.
I honestly hope i'm not wrong. I hope as women we can stand together, no matter what our preferences are, and raise each other up.
As much as another persons opinion shouldn't matter, and on the greater scheme of things it really doesn't. When I put it in to context: I have a loving gorgeous husband who i adore, a beautiful blended family and a job i enjoy, so why does it bother me?
Because in this day and age, women are constantly bombarded with the media telling us :
We are too fat too thin, too tall too short, we need makeup, we need to be natural, we can do this but not that.
Surely when the world is firing at us from every angle, the real women: you, I and everyone in-between, should take a united stance together?
I got in touch with a few megababes to see what they thought on exactly this.
Here's what they said:
Vicki of Honestmum.com
''My feminist Mum gave me a badge to wear aged 4 which read, 'Women together are strong'. I've been living by that motto since childhood. I'm lucky that my Mum and other incredible women in my family were my blueprints for all the friendships and work relationships with women which followed. I'm a real girls' girl-always have been, always will be. I refuse to believe women's default is bitchiness because I've only experienced it as the exception here.
I say to others, be the example for others to follow-your kids, girls and boys. Don't talk about others behind their backs-if there's a problem, be candid and discuss things calmly and honesty. If something is consistently negative and destructive, walk away with your head held high.
I think, fundamentally, friendship boils down to three things: love, trust and communication- as with all relationships. My life is so rich thanks to the women (and men) in it.'
Jane of My Midlife Fashion
Sadly I think most women will tell you that they've been on the receiving end of negativity/catty comments from others, which generally always stems from jealousy or their own insecurities. However this knowledge doesn't stop the hurt & can be so damaging to the individual.
But for every small minded person there are a lot more genuine & amazing ladies out there. Who are fiercely loyal & will support & encourage you to blossom & grow.
For when women come together & support each other it's a powerful & beautiful thing. United we're a force to be reckoned with & anything is possible.
Vicki and Jane have articulated exactly what I am talking about.
From this negative experience I am choosing to be positive (granted this is after the tears and anger.. but I am only human, and of course learning daily!).
Be open minded with each other ladies. Be encouraging and thoughtful and at peace with each other.
Respect for one another should be our default.
So here's my pledge.
I pledge to not speak badly of another women. I will not scrutinise someones choices. I will give compliments freely each day and build others up wherever I can.
Who's with me?
Comment below if you stand with like minded women against scrutiny and judgement.
Have you ever been at the unfortunate hand of scrutiny and judgement for just being yourself?
Ps You Look Gorgeous today ;)