Friday, 8 February 2013

Time for some Honesty...

 I  have been an awful blogger lately. I have had no new outfits to post, i have not been replying to emails or comments and i haven't been swinging by or linking up to any of your wonderful blogs. 
For this i sincerely apologies! I love the blogging community, it feels like a protective wonderfully lovely bubble against the "real" world. 
A few of you may remember i mentioned some genuine stress and anxiety a couple of weeks ago, but didn't say why. So i thought i would unveil the reasons behind my cryptic comments and talk to you all about my current "real life" situation in all its crappiness as i just can't fake enthusiasm today. Life has worn me down.
 For those of you who have been with me from the beginning you may recall (or not, so i shall tell you) that my husband ,Paul and I ran a business together since the beginning 6 and a half years ago, just think of the film Jerry Maguire and that was kind of how we properly got together and started the business but in a less dramatised way,lol!
We have had good time (hitting one million turnover, winning Young Entrepreneur of the year, generally working together) and we've had very bad times (huge debts, people stealing and back stabbing, recession) Its been more tough than good, but we plodded on. 
Then the dreaded recession hit and we struggled on through until we had 3 customers go into liquidation consecutively leaving an outstanding total bill owed to us for over £100,000. 
We tried and tried to recover but we couldn't. 


So this is me telling you that yep, life is pretty shitty right now (please excuse my cuss words but sometimes an expletive in this condition are necessary, in real life i am actually cursing like a trooper)
We are closing down our business which is so hard, for many reasons (practicality, nostalgia, necessity)
and we are having an awful time doing it.
Seeing as I'm being totally honest here i will also say, we may be loosing our house, some belongings and cars.  Its an awful situation to be in.

We have never been a flash couple driving round in expensive cars (i drive a little mazda, which i luff!) or in fancy houses and we don't spend a lot of money on anything, we have not had a holiday in over 3 years and we don't own anything super expensive. I hope you all know that about me, i'm actually quite  a cheapskate!
So our personal lives are amidst the mess that goes hand in hand with the business. We are currently on the roller-coaster and, in all honesty i want to get off. It has been an atrocious week of no luck and things constantly going wrong even when you thought they couldn't possibly.

 I am running off about 3 hours sleep a night and getting up to work harder than i ever knew i could. On one hand i think to myself "Rachel you are made of tough stuff, keep going" on the other hand i am in a mess on the floor crying my eyes out. 
I am super grateful to the lovely ladies i work with in my "new" job (i started it in October and had been running 2 jobs for a while there) for being supportive and flexible and just generally making me laugh when i thought i had forgotten how, and our dear friends Estelle and Dean for giving us so much help and just generally being wonderful friends...salt of the earth, you guys!
I know this isn't really my normal post type but i think i really felt the need to vent and this is my only place i guess. I also wanted to offer up an explanation as to why posts may be sporadic in the next few weeks. I may still manage it all as i actually find it a wonderful distraction from the crappy reality right now, but it may not be on regular days. I have a wonderful Sponsor Spotlight coming up for you soon and a beautiful set of photos my husband took which will be coming tomorrow.
So if you could all bear with me through this tricky time, i am *hoping* to be back in a happy, bubbly, fun place on the blog and in real life, soon.



If you're wondering these photos were actually from a sponsored post i did over at the lovely Marisa's last week. They are from the snowy time we had a couple of weeks ago. I am completely loving polka dots right now. Even in times of stress i still do like a nice polka-dotty number ;-)
Thank you for listening to my stressy rambles, when i get emails /comments /tweets through it really still does make me smile and feels so good to have you all, my extended friends from across the globe.

 Dress: Ebay 
Chambray Shirt: Next
Tights: Matalan
Brooch: Vintage
Jacket: River Island



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42 comments

  1. Remember to blog for you and no one else, Rachel. If it makes you feel better, do it, but if you just want to spend your spare time under a duvet do that instead. Really sorry to hear just how bad things are going... wishing you some better luck in the coming months, I do believe you are a very strong lady. Take care xx

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  3. Such sad news about your business and belongings. I have been reading yout blogs for a few months and always enjoy seeing a new blog pop up from you. I am certain all your readers will understand you being quiter as you take time to sort out 'real life'. You seem such a lovely person, sending you many warm wishes and I hope there is a silver lining somewhere for you xx PS your cheapskate fashion ROCKS!! :)

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  6. Oh no, what an awful story. I'm surprised you have time to blog at all with all that going on. This Government is awful, and the recession too. They're totally destroying the country, and people's livlihoods. I was made redundant from a well paid Public Sector job last January, and now work part time in a shop, I just live in hope that things will pick up soon. I hope you can get things sorted out soon, and get off the rollercoaster. X

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  7. Rachel I just feel sick for the stress you have been carrying and the enormity of it all. What an incredibly difficult time for you. xxx my thoughts and prayers xxx

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  8. Oh Rachel, it breaks my heart to hear in what awful situation you're in at the moment. I send all my strength to you, and I'm sure you'll come out of this situation even stronger.

    -Kati

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  9. That's truly awful for you Rachel, I'm so sorry you and your family have to go through this. I hope things settle down for you all soon so the stress can fade away! Massive hugs! Xo

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  10. O that sounds terrible, I hope things improve for you. I work in credit control so I know at the moment so many businesses are going pop, it breaks my heart to speak to someone who is losing their company and genuinely wants to pay their bills but just can't afford xxx

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  11. What a horrible thing to be going through! I am so sorry to you and your family. You will be in our thoughts and prayers. And you will make it through this and come out even stronger for sure. Of course, we understand if you are absent from the blog. It is always here if you need it and we will be here to read and to support you! Good luck with everything. xoxo.

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  12. Oh Rachel I just want to drive up the motorway so I can give you a great big HUG!!!!!!!!! It makes me so frustrated in life that bad things happen to good people... you are such a trooper in the way that you still have an air of positivity about you. As you said yourself, use the blog as a little escapism for yourself, I reckon it could be quite therapeutic - but only as often as you need it. If it's weeks and weeks, so be it... I'll still be waiting and looking forward to your next post!

    I'm sending lots of goodwill and hopefully a little luck your way for you and your lovely family. Plus I must say you look a picture here with your polka dots and red and mustard legs. LOTS of love to you my lovely :)))

    Catherine
    xoxoxoxxo

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  13. That's horrible :\ I'm so sorry that you're having to go through all of that. I'm sure that right now you're at a low but it'll get better. It always does. For now, lean on those people who are there for you and looking out for your well being. The blogging community will also always be here..
    Hope you feel better sooner rather than later.

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  14. oh those mustard tights.
    and i had no idea you and your husband ran a business together. that alone is a huge accomplishment! it's always scary to do that but you two did it and thats awesome :)
    sorry to hear that you have to close it down but im sure better things are coming along your way!

    -Marsa
    The DayLee Journal

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  15. Rachel, I am truly sorry about the difficulties and hard times you and your husband are going through. Times like that really shake us to the core. Please know that you and your husband are in my thoughts and in my prayers. This experience will pass and there will brighter days ahead, but as you pass through this experience may you know ever increasing love and support from your family and friends. Your blog is wonderful and there is so much grace for you on how often you post and/or respond. I like how one person reminded you to first and foremost to blog for you. I believe that is so important. (I actually needed that reminder as well as I've been behind on my blogs). Anyways, hang in there and keep a steady eye on the horizon because good things will come your way.

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  16. It’s going to sound like an awful, cheesy cliche, but the first thing I thought when I read this was that quote from the Sound of Music “Whenever God closes a door, he opens a window”. I do hope and trust that in the midst of all this, new windows of hope and opportunity will open for you. It’s not the end! Hang in there!

    Katie | Loverly She

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  17. I am really sad to hear about your business, I would be feeling so nostalgic right now that I don't know how you're carrying on. You're being very brave, especially so in posting your troubles here for all the world to see. This is your blog, and I think you should post whatever you feel like posting. I hope you manage to make it through this tough time, and come out smiling the other side :) xx

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  18. I'm so sorry you're going through this Rachel. Life really is so shit at times. I have no doubt you'll pull through. In the meantime I'm keeping my fingers crossed things improve quickly for you. XX

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  19. Hang in there Rachel, my heart aches for you as I've been there with my husband at times when we were both unemployed (and avoiding opening the bills, because if you don't actually see them they can't hurt you can they? Dumb we were) and twice more my husband being made redundant. When you're in the middle of all this, it's incredibly hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel....but it will come. I'm so glad you have your other job and your blog to keep your mind busy...dwelling on things can be so destructive, sometimes 'just doing' is the best plan. This is your blog, you owe none of us followers anything, vent all you like, it's nice to see real people. All the best....love all your outfits btw, especially the colourful tights.

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  20. UGH! I am so sorry to hear about your business troubles right now but I am happy you shared with us! I have been thinking about starting my own business full time next year and its quite terrifying that you are putting it all on the line, but I seriously commend you for doing it anyway! You guys will get through it, and its actually quite nice hearing some genuine honesty on the blogosphere! Sending happy thoughts your way!
    xo Hannah

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  21. Oh dear Rachel, what awful times to be going through! I am so sorry you have had to bear all that! My prayers are with you! Well done for sharing- it isn't easy- we like to appear like all is under control and it shows how classy and well-made you are that you can share so sincerely and still inject your usual loveliness into it! Bless you all and I look forward to seeing you here, when you can, even if that is not for a while xx

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  22. I lack the words, majorly to do your situation justice but I am reading and thinking of you xx

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  23. Hey, girl, you are healthy, you have extremely handsome and loving husband! You two can walk together trough hard times, just stay together, just say everyday that you love him and you love life as it is. Never be afraid of crying or cursing when you have to, all to make you feel better. After some time you're gonna know you are stronger than ever and you will believe that things can also change the other way, to make you as happy as you have never been. Keep loving and stay strong, I believe you two will get trough all the crap happily!

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  24. wow, this sounds like a total nightmare. i feel for you, girl, and i'm so sorry to hear about this. you are so strong though. i know you and your husband will hang in there! xoxox

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  25. I am so so so sorry to hear this. I HATE this bloody recession, it is ruining so many things for so many people :(

    You will get through this, thank you for sharing and being so honest, it must be hard to know how to write a post like that. As for the not commenting and replying as much (or blogging so much) these are unimportant things now, you need to focus on you. I hope you get more sleep time and don't get ill from this.

    XXXXX

    Janine xx
    Bake, Glue and Trend!

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  26. So sorry to hear about your hard week. :( I'll keep your family in our prayers and remember to keep your head up like you have been :) Remember it always will get worse before it gets better. A light will shine through soon my dear!

    X0
    -Camille
    http://cornersweetheart.blogspot.com

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  27. Oh no! So sorry to hear how everything is going down for you and your family right now. That is certainly no fun at all. I hope that everything works out soon. Lots of thoughts heading your way!

    xoxo,
    Laura
    http://lauraisthriftingthroughlife.blogspot.com/

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  28. Hi Laura,
    Many of us know exactly what you are going through right now. It is a kind of grief to lose the hopes and dreams you had built with your own hands, standing beside your husband and always striving forward.

    There was a time I lived paycheque to paycheque, then lost my job. I had to go on welfare and then move back in with my parents. It was humiliating. Life is very different now (much better). You are both young and healthy and have many years ahead of you to get the material goods together again. Just don't let the stress pull you apart from your hubby.

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  29. It takes guts to open up about something so personal and I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. The recession has had short term and long term impacts for us all and it must be so hard to loose something you and your husband worked so hard on and built together. Thinking of you in this difficult time x

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  30. So sorry to hear this, if there is anything I can do to help you out, please let me know!

    Maria xxx

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  31. Im so sorry to hear of your unfortunate circumstances, my heart goes out for you and your little family. Lots of hugs, xoxoxo

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  32. It breaks my heart to read this. I sure hope everything works out for you and your family, the sooner the better. All my love to you!

    Sarah

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  33. This post is so real. Such a private look into your life...when so many blogs we read are all happy and fluffy...and people are suffering their "real" life issues behind blog doors. It is tough what your going through. I have only started following your blog and I really enjoy it and you do a great job. The most important is to be good to each other, and hold each other tight....do things that bring you close and make you happy.
    J x
    http://lifelovesand.blogspot.ie/

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  34. Rachel, thank you for sharing and all the while reading I kept thinking, OMG We're in the same boat right now!! Well, not really. Mikey and I don't own our own business, but the last 6 months have been pretty hard, financially. And the last two months have been nothing short of a nightmare, as it's gotten worse. And somehow we're still truckin' on. Thank GOD he got the job in Florida. Unfortunately it's another two months till he starts it, so that's another two months we'll go living along with the barest of bare minimum of income. Some of our bills have already pilled onto the next months and we owe a lot here and there. Our credit cards are all but one maxed out. And that's just because we've been buying the necessities: food (we've been eating a lot of sandwiches), and alcohol. I know what you're probably thinking. How can you put aside money for alcohol? Well, let me explain. The alcohol is anywhere from $5-$10 max (not a lot of money) for an entire bottle of vodka or wine AND it's at the grocery store while we're getting our necessities, so why wouldn't we grab a bottle?? And when one is as extremely broke and trying to make the most of boredom as we are, then one MUST have vodka. It eases the pain of feeling sorry for yourself in this position. We've been spending so much time at home, occupying our time with new tv shows when I'm of course not doing all my homework. And Mikey has been trying to find someone who will hire (and train) a guy who can only work for them for two months before leaving the state. Which, no one wants to really do. It's been so rough on us, especially because we've always been used to having an income and being able to do what we want. Being students has put us in a different place and really humbled the shit out of us. Tomorrow is my birthday and I don't want to do anything, because I know we don't have the money to. And I'm okay with that. No part of me is really all that much of a spoiled brat, because I know that some people have it even worse than us. The good thing is that we are able to be paying some of our bills right now. And as soon as my school check comes in the mail (it's about three weeks late) that'll help some, too. But again, we'll only have my little income moving us along. I'm just praying it's enough for the next two months. That's all we need and then (again, THANK GOD) Mikey will be making some moolah for us in Florida. I'll actually stay here in New Jersey and finish up my semester and then move down there with him in May. The first half of 2013 will prove to be a bit of a challenge, but I do see the light at the end of my tunnel, and I know it'll approach sooner than later. I just need to keep my wits until things smooth out a bit.
    Tomorrow is my birthday and I'll tell you what, it's a good thing we're bffs with the owner of our favorite bar (I bartend there sometimes, too) because I know at least I'll have somewhere to go tonight where I can get one (or a few) free birthday drinks to forget all these financial woes! haha :)

    I hope your light at the end of the tunnel is in near view as well. Wishing you and your family all the best, Rachel. Thank you for sharing something so personal. I suppose I really needed to vent my own little "problems", too.
    Love, Roni

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  35. ^^OMG the size of my comment had my eyes nearly pop out my head! hahah so much to say. Eep!

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  36. Wow, and as if I hadn't said enough already. I just remembered I forgot to mention how gorgeous you look in your photos. It makes me think how even when we have so much crappy stuff going on in our lives, some of us girls just don't want to show it to the world. So we put on our best dresses, our prettiest red lips, and make our hair perfect. That way at least everything looks put together on the outside. :) I don't know, at least that's what I think of myself when I'm not feeling the best on the inside.

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  37. Rach hun - we are always here when you need us. Thinking of you both,

    big hugs, E xx

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  38. Ps can I just say sorry my comment was up there four times!! Sure I only pressed send once!!! :) Alkward smiley face xx

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  39. Oh Rachel I almost cried reading this! I am so sorry that you have been a victim of these terrible times. I know you and your husband, your little family, are a strong unit and that if anyone can survive the shit times then it is you. You are an inspiration to me, not just because you wear gorgeous outfits and dance around in your photos, but because you are real and lovely and strong and clever. I wish you ALL the best and I am sure things will only get better for you. Xx

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  40. Sorry to to have been here for you.
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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